these are the flowers shell brought me home the other day. still, she is the helpless romantic. i am the one that should be showering her with flowers.

i am trying to be a rock for her. she was my complete rock after both surgeries that i endured. i hope she will just let it happen. she is definitely the type of person that has to be in control. that shows she is not weak. but now...she needs support not only from me but her family. hope you guys are reading this...

she started taking anti seizure medicine a few weeks ago. it worked, unless she took it too late or was under extreme stress.

the past week, it is wearing off. it is failing her. her test have all come back negative as to why she has this. i recently went to the Trigeminal Neuralgia Association website and ordered a book. It is called Striking Back. The first quote on page one: "This is the kind of pain you wouldn't even wish on your worst enemy." - Claire Patterson, TRIGEMINAL NEURALGIA ASSOCIATION founder.

"The pain hits suddenly, like a jolt of lightning to the face. Again and again the pain stabs, sometimes for a few seconds, sometimes for a few minutes, and then it's gone, just as abruptly as it came."

it seems after all of my studying that this disorder isn't particularly well known, but the pool seems to be growing. Studies estimate there are somewhere between 15,000 and 50,000 new cases each year in the US. the age of onset in your 30's is only 6%.

so, now, the question is what is next? it seems that most cases I am studying up on have a blood vessel that is compressing the nerve. this takes surgery. until then, we are going to up her medicine and wait. her doctor wants to rule out just a few more things.

if you know ANYONE out there who has had this, email me. i am trying to find out as much as I can. i am going to be her advocate for her health. i know she will be okay. i just think she needs some answers. she needs to know she will not live with this or at least if she has to, it can be controlled.

one more note, it seems to happen to some amazing smart women...Gloria Steinem is one of them. :) Shelly is in good company.

just being thankful

i woke up this morning having so much on my mind. i am extremely thankful today.

leaving rhode island was tough. we loved it, but it did not work out. we are so glad we are home, even though this unemployment thing for me is really really hard. so...i wrote down a few things to be grateful for instead of thinking about the hard times.

i am grateful that shelly is feeling much better, with her medication and that she has a dr. who really cares.

i am grateful that this coming november it will be two years cancer free for me.

i am grateful for all of the family who support my emotionally and also shelly's family. they have been awesome through the last several years.

i am thankful for finn. wow, it is like having a baby! i love him even though he smells sometimes. :)

i am thankful for my friends. i know that we do not see each other as much as i would like, but please know, i appreciate all of you.

michelle, mom, and gmom! three way cool chicks!

i am grateful for shelly. she has supported me in good times and bad. we are a team, and we work like a team. we are the BEST team.

i am grateful for this unemployment. at least right now i am! ha ha. under such bad circumstances, this crazy thing has allowed me to become closer to family. realize what i really want to do. become closer to Shell's family, and appreciate the small things. we may not be able to buy anything we want, but there is so much more than that. i have learned to appreciate small things, like learning how to use pots and pans...

last but not least, i am thankful for my belief in god. that god will always look out for us. i pray every night, but lately it seems every hour. i know we are being watched after, and we will not be given any thing that we can not handle. thank you. i believe god keeps his promises. :)