the sign of the times

so it has been a few weeks since i posted. our lives have mainly consisted of work, (mainly shelly :), finn, family, and shopping for christmas.

thanksgiving was so great. it definitely stood up as still my favorite holiday of the year. we played apples to apples and ate ourselves silly. i had to run three miles almost everyday when we returned to our normal schedule.

now that christmas is upon us, it has me thinking of the 2010 year. i truly feel like this year is going to be such a positive year. from all things health to family i feel UP about this next year. i am making sort of a bucket list. things i want to do before i die. i want to full fill several of those this year. i do not plan on dieing anytime soon, but why not start early right? :)

keeping everyone posted on finn and shelly:

shelly is doing good. she doesn't even want to talk surgery until after the holidays. she is keeping contact with her neurosurgeon and she is thinking around march. every time someone brings surgery up, she is like,"yeah, it IS brain surgery people". so we will wait for her surgery for a few more months if that is what she wants.

finn, not only has he regressed, he is like a teenage boy that is in his goth, i want to be bad phase. yes we still love him and always will, but i do have to say, it is like having a child. truly truly. we were watching the animal planet the other day, and some dog expert was talking about, When you want to think about getting a puppy. She was like, " you really have to be committed, THIS is the next fifteen years of your life, so choose wisely".

Shelly looked at me and said, "holy hell! seriously! fifteen years!"

I said yes very calmly, " so you better start learning to love this sweet lil man!". Those two have a love hate relationship and it is slowly becoming more about the love. haha.

I hope everyone is doing really well.

Congratulations to my cousin Kevin who had a new baby boy. Welcome to the family sweet boy.

bring on the turkey!

waiting, waiting, waiting....
we are waiting on test results. hopefully today we will find out. it seems to be the year for sickness, or am i just getting older and realizing that sometimes this happens. i have made a promise to myself this past weekend. i am going to dive into yoga again. i have been doing it, but not on the level i used to. just making it a part of my everyday.
dive into the holistic person i so once loved to be. i think i might even become vegetarian again. that is after thanksgiving. i mean, after these past few years of eating anything i want, surely i can wait till after the turkey to turn my new leaf. :)
looking forward to the holidays. shelly finally felt better yesterday after her lumbar headache, OUCH, and we actually went to look around a bit and had some lunch. Christinas is so yummy!
we made a list and trying to figure out our budget.
still temping and really kinda enjoying making up my own schedule. it has helped a tad.
as of late we are trying to train out dog. yes, it is a task. i swear this dog is so lucky he is cute. shelly keeps looking at him and saying, "three words finn: BRAND - NEW-HOME", every time he jumps on us. he is not aggressive and i know he is a puppy, but the jumping has got to stop. we are watching the dog whisperer more times than i would like to admit, and yes, i read the book. i have been implementing all of the training techniques and some are working, but most are not. i never thought i would say this, but i am looking forward to finns last puppy days. haha.
other than that, not much going on. looking forward to spending time with our families, starting school again, and getting my hair cut and i am going blonde blonde blonde again. i thought i enjoyed my natural color of dirty dishwater, but yeah, not so much. :)
i hope everyone is doing well. we again thank you for all of the support friends and family has been giving us. we are thankful for you and each other everyday.
oh, and say a little prayer for my mom. she is having some test on friday and we are hoping for some good results. some really good results. :)

be well

not too much to say. shelly and i are doing well. we are in a bit of limbo until we find out if shelly has MS. she is going for a "lumbar puncture" on monday. fancy word for spinal tap.

we should find out by the end of the week if the results are negative or positive.

i am still temping but and waiting for the spring semester to happen. actively looking again for work, after being so disheartened by my last search. it has been a little hard, because lately, i have had to cancel a few interviews due to dr visits. not that i mind! her health comes first, i am wondering if i should just wait on the job front until we know exactly what is going to happen.

my family continues to be amazing. i am trying to get myself geared up for the holidays. my favorite holiday is thanksgiving and it seems i am lacking in the spirit this year. i used to love just sitting there with family and sharing a meal. everyone cooks, cleans, naps, and then watches the cowboys.

i know i will get back into the spirit of things. i continue to be grateful for all things. i am hoping that my theory on, "everything happens for a reason", is still sound and just.

wednesday, and hopeful. our morning started at five and a little rough. five am sharp in the shower i hear, "ouch ****", and i know they have begun. making lunch another and another and so on...

by the time i checked in with her at 5:20 six down. even that is a lot for TN patients, but then again, maybe it is not. we are new to this world and this amazing group of people known as Trigeminal Neuralgians. Breathe... and they are gone as quickly as they came for her.

Her appointment was yesterday and we liked the doctor very much. Dr. Brent Morgan in Dallas. Lots of questions and concerns came from us and a lot of info and he wants her pain free talk and we feel better. he is sending her to another neurologist only one more time. he absolutely wants to make sure it is not MS. once he knows for sure, even though he is almost certain it is not, he is moving forward. he gave her lots of options, but feels she is a really good candidate for MVD surgery. he thinks she is a typical TN on the left with a vessel pressing. he really wanted to know what SHE wanted. what we wanted, and she explained that if she could help it, she does not want to live with this. he explained it is a very personal decision and that sometimes people feel they CAN live with it, but she is young, and agrees they should try to make the pain go away. sooooooo, it a nutshell we need to rule out MS again. that will be next week. i will keep everyone posted.

as for me, i am going to be the rock she needs. i am going to pick my friends brains to see what they think. all of my tn friends are living with this everyday and i trust their opinions. i am grateful for their opinions.

also my family has been great. thanks guys.

i am going to get advised today for school. bring it! haha.

This is a picture I took in Maine. We went to Maine, wondering if we were going to like it enough to live there. Our plan was to come home and start to look for jobs there if we just fell head over heels in love. haha. We did love it, but not enough to live there.

Shelly got sea sick, actually a pretty color of green, and I was just plain cold. Who knew a year later we would be in Rhode Island for a while and LOVING it cold and all.

I keep remembering all of the vacations and fun small adventures we used to take, and I am hoping we will still have many more in the future. I think we will.

Shelly sees her neurosurgeon on the 20th. Options, options, options.

I have been driving back and forth a few times a week to Graham to temp. It is kind of fun working together again. Finn has his own dog walker on those days so he is loving it. It is a commute! Four hours a day. She was staying with family until recently, but they ended up moving. We are looking at options for her to stay in Graham a few days a week. There isn't much in Graham outside of a Wal Mart. It is supposed to be the biggest square in America though... Not too sure if I believe it.

People are so friendly, you almost forget about the things it is missing. Small town vibe with lots of smiles.

Things are pretty much the same right now. I just wanted to update family and friends on how she is doing. She is doing okay, but her TN has progressed. Wind, showers, and brushing her teeth are beginning to cause attacks. Her spirits are high and mine are hopeful for good news and some answers on the 20th. I have found an amazing group of friends through a support group that are living with and people who love people who are living with this. I want to say to them, that i appreciate them. I thank them for their support and kindness, as does Shelly. It is nice to know that there are other people dealing with this thing. Nice and scary. I have come to care about these people and it does hurt to know all of them are in such pain.

Please keep us in your thoughts. Love to all of our friends and family. xo

what's up?

happy friday to all! it is a really really beautiful one today.
what's up?
well...finn is good. he is cute and B-A-D all at the same time. we love him, i LOVE him, shelly loves him. haha. he is learning to mind better everyday. i do not even think the doggie prozac might be necessary anymore.
shelly, is finding out on monday which neurosurgeon she will be seeing and what exactly the surgery entails. she knows that she does not want to live with this anymore. pills and electric like seizures coming from no where is not her thing. she refuses them, and i agree. NO ELECTRIC like shocks in the face for this family. go away!!!!!! :)
my family outside of shelly and finn are great! they always are. grandmommy is moving in with mom and michelle until she decides what do to. buy, rent, or even find a cool retirement place where she can dance the nights away with fellow friends she will meet.
me, well, i am doing good. i am temping and i think that is the best right now. i am starting school AGAIN in the spring, and wished that i had taken classes this fall. i received a nice little grant and hoping my aid will fare well also.
i am just a tad nervous when it comes to school. sometimes i even have dreams that i am back in high school or junior high and i can't get into my locker. that was so frustrating. these dreams even consist of me being in my mini skirt, aka, uniform, trying do some random routine and not doing the same thing everyone else is doing. i think i did that a few times. the sad thing is, in my dreams i am the age i am now, and you can only imagine how frightful that must look.
i loved school, but i was AWFUL in school. if it came to art, theater, or anything non academic i blew through it, but give me a math problem or a sentence breakdown in front of me i had -zero confidence. i tried everything in school and wasn't ashamed of it. art and theater one day and then turn around and enjoy cheering with my friends. it was the actual work that stumped me every time.
stopping at my associates has only gotten me so far and it is always a gnawing feeling for me to just finish! so...how do i know that i will actually be successful after many many attempts at this even up until recently?
i think you know when it is right. i think you know when you should just do it. i hear, that it is never too late and i truly believe that.
i have a great support group and i even have a tutor for math built in. her name is michelle and damn it if she isn't a math major. that one, she is a smarty pants, and i am so glad!
enough with the school of life, i have done it. i think it is time for just school. the school that helps with my mind and my personal growth as well as helping land a good job. ha.
i think the academic fairies are on my side this time. shake off the old art brushes and camera, because i am going.
academic fairies i hope you have a lot of fairy dust to sprinkle on me ~ because i think i will need it.

these are the flowers shell brought me home the other day. still, she is the helpless romantic. i am the one that should be showering her with flowers.

i am trying to be a rock for her. she was my complete rock after both surgeries that i endured. i hope she will just let it happen. she is definitely the type of person that has to be in control. that shows she is not weak. but now...she needs support not only from me but her family. hope you guys are reading this...

she started taking anti seizure medicine a few weeks ago. it worked, unless she took it too late or was under extreme stress.

the past week, it is wearing off. it is failing her. her test have all come back negative as to why she has this. i recently went to the Trigeminal Neuralgia Association website and ordered a book. It is called Striking Back. The first quote on page one: "This is the kind of pain you wouldn't even wish on your worst enemy." - Claire Patterson, TRIGEMINAL NEURALGIA ASSOCIATION founder.

"The pain hits suddenly, like a jolt of lightning to the face. Again and again the pain stabs, sometimes for a few seconds, sometimes for a few minutes, and then it's gone, just as abruptly as it came."

it seems after all of my studying that this disorder isn't particularly well known, but the pool seems to be growing. Studies estimate there are somewhere between 15,000 and 50,000 new cases each year in the US. the age of onset in your 30's is only 6%.

so, now, the question is what is next? it seems that most cases I am studying up on have a blood vessel that is compressing the nerve. this takes surgery. until then, we are going to up her medicine and wait. her doctor wants to rule out just a few more things.

if you know ANYONE out there who has had this, email me. i am trying to find out as much as I can. i am going to be her advocate for her health. i know she will be okay. i just think she needs some answers. she needs to know she will not live with this or at least if she has to, it can be controlled.

one more note, it seems to happen to some amazing smart women...Gloria Steinem is one of them. :) Shelly is in good company.